Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You can't just leave with hair like that
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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