hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
