You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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