Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
