I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
