Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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