She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
