so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So many bounce houses so little time
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
