She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
