I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Everyone says I win the strip club
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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