Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
