I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
