dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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