did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
