I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
