she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
