The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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