I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
