woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize