So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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