It's Friday. Sex?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
