She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
