is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
