I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
