Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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