I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Randomize
