Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
