can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
