we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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