i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Everyone says I win the strip club
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
