The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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