I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
