fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
