Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
