I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You're like the curious george of whores
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
