I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
