Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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