Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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