worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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