these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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