I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
