Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
