i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
And then my night got REAL pukey
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
