@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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