Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
