he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
