i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
