honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
