so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize