you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
