you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
