Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
