I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
