Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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