i love accidental penises.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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