She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I want her autograph on my taint
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
