So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
