Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
