Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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