its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Operation Purity has been aborted
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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