I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
