Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize