i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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