yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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