I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
did i just pee glitter
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
