I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
