I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize