He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So much Jack, so little girl.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
