After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
