did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
