she looked like the before picture.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
