I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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