when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
