I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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