hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
