I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
